On A MISSION

Yes, I was on a mission. I had heard from an oper’tive that there was going to be a meet-up. Yeah, a clandestine meeting; a gatherin’ of right-wing kooks that opposed the systematic surgical procedure of murderin’ children. Okay, so I’m thinkin’- “Hey! I’m one of those kooks! I need to make sure I get on down there and help ‘em out. In fact, I know of a bill that’s about to hit the House of Representatives’ floor within days that PROTECTS "ABORTION DOCTORS!” I was determined to join them in their organized deesplay of shoving religion down the throats of unsuspectin’ people just trying to kill their baby instead of lettin’ mommy and daddy get mad at ‘em. Heck, I might even help them with their chants about how women should just donate their bodies to the government for medical testin’! I mean, that’s what we pro-lifers are all about, right? Jist trying to get into some woman’s womb and tell ‘er what to do. We just can’t stand the idea of women and doctors making good decisions about her future and health. Heck, we even want them there doctors to tell her that there is a link between having an abortion and bein’ invaded with breast cancer later on down the road. I mean—we are serious kooks! We actually think she oughtta know about somethin’ like that.

Okay now, so- this is what I do. I git GEARED up, and head on down to the Capitol.






When I got to security, I grew very nervous, seemin’ as how I was so heavily armed!


My audio comunication tool..........


My photo-imagin' dee-vice.............


My Box of Doc's...........


I made it through and was off to find my fellow kooks in crime. I found a few oper’tives, I could tell ‘em right away. They was a wearin’ big red stickers that said “Pro-life Works.” I started handin’ out my flyers to ‘em, and jist askin’ em to read it. I was lurkin’ through the tundra, I was a lurkin’ through the pagin’ area; I was handin’ out my flyers to everyone I could. Finally, about 11:00 am, I settled at the elevators, wantin’ to catch ‘em all as they were coming. Suddenly, I heard this voice say, “Hey, you can’t do that.” It was a poo-lice officer, and he was pointin’ at me. I figured he surely must be comfused. So I looked up at ‘im with my warmest smile and sweetly replied, “Sure I can.”

“No, no you can’t.”

“Sure I can.”

“No, you are not aloud to hand those out.”

“Well, sure I am.” Still smiling and speaking as sweetly as a sugar coated gumdrop.

“No YOU ARE NOT.”

“Well, why not? I don’t understand.” No I am looking rather confused and startin' to wonder why this man continues to argue with me….

“You can’t hand stuff out like that inside the Capitol.”

“Uhhuh, sher can. Look, here I have this folder FILLED with information from the FCCLA that they gave me, and another folder from the Georgia Right To Life people, and then I have my little flyers.”

Now he grabs his walkie talkie and says, “I got a 318…………..” This is when I thought, “WOW! THIS guy is SERIOUS!” He puts his talkie thing back into his belt, grabs me by the arm and says, “You’re coming with me.” Uh oh! He takes me to another uniformed officer. This one is a bit bigger. “Ma’am, you can’t…….” Yes, we went through the exact same conversation. Finally, they clarify that the other groups handin’ our their stuff had a meetin' room where they gathered and handed out their stuff there. What I was doing was walkin' through the public halls, handing out my stuff to just anybody.

“Oh. Okay. Now I get it, I understand.” I smiled, said, “Sorry,” and turned to leave. I couldn’t make it to the door! One of ‘em grabbed my elbow and said, “No, you can’t go that way, we’re going this way.” So, I was escorted ALL the way OUT of the building!

I reached into my pocket, called a fellow oper’tive. She was just in time. As I was hittin’ the sidewalk, she pulled up, I threw my Box of Doc’s into the back (there was a poo-lice car behind her so we couldn’t talk, I gestured that I’d call ‘er), she drove off, and I BRAVELY headed back inside.